Dumb dumb lawyers....?

Lawyer: I show you Exhibit 2 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

Witness: That's me.

Lawyer: Were you present when that picture was taken?

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Lawyer: Can you describe the individual?

Witness: He was tall and had a beard.

Lawyer: Was this a male or female?

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Lawyer: Mr. Matthews, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

Witness: I used to be.

Lawyer: How many times have you committed suicide?

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Lawyer: You said she had three children, right?

Witness: Yes.

Lawyer: How many were boys?

Witness: None.

Lawyer: Were there any girls?

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Lawyer: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

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Lawyer: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?

Witness: Oral.

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Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

Doctor: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life?

Witness: Not yet.

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Lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Witness: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

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Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body of Mr. Smith?

Witness: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.

Lawyer: And Mr. Smith was dead at the time, is that correct?

Witness: No! He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

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Lawyer: You say that the stairs went down to the basement, right?

Witness: Yes.

Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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Lawyer: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

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Lawyer: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

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Lawyer: What is the meaning of sperm being present?

Witness: It indicates intercourse.

Lawyer: Male sperm?

Witness: That is the only kind I know.

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Lawyer: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the accident?

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Lawyer: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

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Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself?

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Lawyer: Then what happened?

Witness: He told me, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."

Lawyer: Did he kill you?

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Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?

Witness: After the accident?

Lawyer: Before the accident.

Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

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Lawyer: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Attorney: Your foster son, Corey, who cooks for him?

Witness: Oh, I do.

Attorney: How often do you cook for him?

Witness: We have probably one good meal a week.

Attorney: Well, no commentary on your cooking, but how many "bad" meals do you have?

Dumb dumb lawyers....?city opera

you are freaking awesome, this is hilarious as hell.

Dumb dumb lawyers....?performing shows opera theater

This is the only reason why I went to law school....to get made fun of. :) hahahahaha! i love it.
lol?
LOL! I've alredy read half of these but they're still funny!
i dont get it...was this the same lawyer...
thats really funnn(:ie

lol i loved emm

starrr
Thanks for the laugh
lolz thats funny
LoL...And they think they are soooo smart!
lol
Are thease reel

LOL

Laywers always thinking their soo msart here's a long

lawyer, dumb blond joke!

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
lol
HAHAHA. This is funny.
those are hilarious really good job
i like the 2 autopsy ones! they well funny!
Lol! Nice!
LOL-LOL-LOL-LOL ... R.I.P. crack-cat
haha these are great
LOL thats funny
freakin funny....now i have reason to like them for they are cool hahahahaha .below are my fav :

Lawyer: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the accident?

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Lawyer: Then what happened?

Witness: He told me, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."

Lawyer: Did he kill you?
Yeah I hear you my Dad was an attorney and I have heard him spout out some rdical sh*t as well like When you went into your surgery was the Doctor their that operated on you.

Now since you know the doctor was there did he perform the surgery successfilly or was it a failure. What is that SH*T

But still funny stuff HAHAHAHA